Slo-Jo: Running With My Cat

Distance: 2.0 miles

Pace: 12:00 min/mile

Wine last night: None

Heartrate: Unknown as stupid Garmin is not working

It started, as these things often do, with a negative conversation with a doctor. Dr. H took Jasper’s temperature, palpated his belly, and checked his mouth and ears. “He’s in decent shape,” he said, “but he’s fat.”

“Fat?” I protested. “He’s a Persian. That’s all hair.”

Dr. H chuckled. “Oh, he’s fat all right. And you know what they say…fat cat, fat owner.” Okay, he didn’t really say that last part out loud, but I knew what he was thinking.

 (See? All puffy white hair. It's the equivalent of wearing horizontal stripes.)

What to do? We all know diets don't work, and Weight Watchers has not yet developed a tool for tracking Fancy Feast. (I checked.) Obviously, it was time to put lazy bones on a training program, and what better way to get him to lose weight than to get him running? 

According to Cat Fancy, the best way to get your fat cat going is to do a cat-bed-to-5K program, which basically involves doing run/walks. 

 (Jasper in his favorite couch position: draped over the arm rest.)

You do a short run, then walk, then a short run. We began by getting him to chase the laser pointer. After he could run ten feet, it was time to head outside. I bought him a special harness on Amazon so as not to have to face actual people at Petsmart while buying a cat harness.

At first, Jasper struggled to get the hang of breathing through his mouth (he has a squashy Persian nose) and didn’t like wearing his heartrate monitor. But then I got him shaved, and he was like a new cat. 

(Jasper, resting post-workout.)

Suddenly in the mornings he was batting me awake with a puffy white paw, ready to hit the road. He made it up to a quarter mile before needing a break to stalk a bird or stare into space or whatever it is that cats look at. He was trimming down and feeling spry.

It was time to up the ante. We decided to enter a Feline Fun Run. Oddly, they don’t have those in Phoenix; we had to find one in California. Jasper was a little nervous heading into the race, but I told him it was better to be a little undertrained than overtrained, and plus the objective was to have fun. We decided to have tequila shots every quarter mile (his were tuna fish water) to liven up the race. Jasper was, of course, the best looking kitty there, but man, those tabby cats can really run. They are like the Kenyans of the kitty-running world.

Jasper killed it in the race—he really pushed himself to his personal best. But then he decided to retire for a while from running; he said he had earned a little couch time. I agree. It’s time to train up Petey instead.

(What Petey thinks of the running program.)