Slo-Jo: Suck it, scale.

Saturday’s Run: Four miles

Sunday’s Run: Ten miles (BOOM!)

Today’s Run: Easy slow five miles, with dogs and potty breaks

Weight: &%^$%#@!!

My weight is up. Up three pounds, in fact. Now, I know what you are thinking. It’s nothing I haven’t thought myself, only probably in a meaner tone. (No one can out-mean me when it comes to my own weight loss.) My internal voice says, contemplating the scale, "Maybe the bottles of cabernet are not on any nutritionist’s diet plan ever?" Or, “Time to rethink the Egg McMuffins.” And, “Didn’t you just admit to eating about a million char-grilled oysters before digging into the crawfish etouffee for three days in a row? Where do you think those calories went?”

And I say to you, little mean voice, suck it. It’s not the food. (Okay, it is partially the food.) It’s not the wine. (Totally not.) It’s all the running!

I know, right? Isn’t THAT awesome. Running does not help on the scale. For reasons why, I consult handy, un-cited web resources.

First, we turn to Ron Burgundy.

And in fact, it may be science. I did a ten-mile run on Sunday. I tried to blog about it, but it was the most boring piece of writing I have written in a long time, and let me tell you, in my job, I create some snoozers. It was basically a long complaint about running in mud and dealing with intense sunshine and getting sunscreen in my eye. So I deleted it in hopes of not driving off all of Running on Wine’s audience. But anyway, when you do long runs, your body will store more water to repair damaged muscle fibers and apparently requires additional water to store and deliver glycogen to the muscles. Plus, I suspect I got really dehydrated on Sunday (the run started off in a light rain and ending with me crawling across the desert), so my body may be hanging on to water.

(This is exactly what I looked like, had I gone running with loafers and facial hair.)

Second, some web sites suggest that runners eat too much to compensate. It’s the old, “I ran five miles so I can eat this pizza” mentality. I feel like I don’t have this problem, but yet, I admit I can eat me some pizza sometimes. Maybe I need a food log.

Third, some runners drink too many Gatorades or energy drinks with calories. This is definitely not my issue. I am not really a Gatorade person. I’d rather have a cup of coffee or a beer to ensure I am totally without any water in my body whatsoever (not really, but I’m still not a Gatorade fan). I did start drinking it after I started doing runs that took longer than an hour because one day my hands started shaking and I felt dizzy, and Dr. Google confirmed I needed electrolytes.

(Electrolytes. Good for long-distances. Bad for short runs and plants.)

In conclusion, I will do what Toe-Shoes Tina told me to do once, "Step away from the scale!" It's probably just water. And more importantly, today's run felt great. Easy five. The weather is finally nice for a change. I took one fat dog for a two-mile loop and a leaner dog for three. Everyone was happy to be outside and running. And if running finally feels good, that is progress--who needs a scale?

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