Distance: 0
Pain pills popped: LOTS
Whimpering noises: Many
I know you were looking forward to your race report. Did someone try to swim over me in the pool? Did I yank that jerk's goggles off, per race plan? How did the transition go? What was the ride like? What were our times? Would we do it again?
Well, let's back up a bit.
On Thursday, I did my final training ride on the bike--spent about an hour. I decided Friday and Saturday would be rest days so that my legs would feel strong for the race. TST and I were coordinating how to get to the race, which had an insanely early start. We considered whether she should just stay over at my house, which is closer to the race, and whether than meant that we would sabotage our efforts by drinking a ton of wine together per usual. I also planned to head over to the triathlon store on Friday afternoon to figure out what the hell I was going to wear, as the tri suit I had ordered online was really not going to be suitable for me to wear in public. Not if I planned to exit with any self-esteem, anyway.
In other words, we were mentally ready.
On Friday morning, I took a shower and was getting dressed. I reached into my closet to grab the skirt for the suit I needed to wear (yes, on a Friday), and something horrible happened. My back went into spasm.
I know "indescribable" is a sucky adjective, but holy moly, the pain. Indescribable.
I stood rigid for a while hoping it would subside, then decided I had better go into the living room and get my phone in case I needed help. But the phone was on the couch, and I couldn't bend to get it. I somehow managed, after much puzzling over how this was going to happen, and then thought I'd try lying on my back on the floor.
This did not help. Instead I was in a lot of pain on my back on the floor in my underwear, but at least I had my phone. I googled back spasm. Google said ice and advil. Well, that would require me to get off the floor. I discovered that there was no way to get off the floor, and I was now stuck on the floor. In my underwear. I was reminded of that Sex in the City episode where Miranda wrenches her back getting out of the shower and Carrie has to come rescue her naked friend. I really, really did not want to be Miranda right now.
Some time passed. I got a good, long look at the ceiling of my house.
I finally determined that I had to get up and get some pain reliever and ice. I managed to get onto my side and push up a little, then grab onto the ottoman and get upright. This hurt. Got the ice. Started texting friends for advice, including my friend H (who would have been the one to get the Carrie call, as she lives in my neighborhood, has a key to my house, and wouldn't care if I was in my underwear). At this point I was really almost crying from the pain, because the spasms kept coming.
A doctor friend kindly called me in response to my texts for help and told me basically to take all the drugs I had. I complied. Vicodin? Check. Muscle relaxant? Check. What else is in here? Xanax? I like Xanax too. Check. The only thing separating me from Heath Ledger at this point was the lack of Benadryl in my system.
Despite my drug cocktail, my back continued to hurt. I wanted to attend a special ceremony for a friend, so another friend picked me up and I went, but I may have been a little high during this ceremony. Pretty sure that I was reacting three seconds behind everyone else. Then I went home and slept and slept and slept.
Now, due to triathlon training psychosis, I was still thinking maybe I could do it. But on Saturday, the pain was still QUITE present and robust, so I texted with TST and said I probably needed to drop out, but I could crew her. She was kind enough not to insist that the bad back lady stand around for three hours while she did a triathlon, and she decided, given some work pressures and deadlines, that it made sense for her to skip this one, too. What a relief that she didn't mind--I didn't want to miss the race, but I didn't want to let my friend down, either.
We're signing up for something else. First, I'm going to get a spine transplant, and then we'll be ready!
Monday, April 13, 2015
Tuesday, April 7, 2015
Mo Jo: Cross Training Is for Realz
I'm going to date myself here, but I used to LOVE step aerobics. Secretly, I still do. It was awesome. Loud music, complicated routines--the more complicated, the better. I liked how I had to fully engage in it and concentrate on the pattern, lest I go flying off one side and injure myself (that happened). It was like meditation with cardio benefits.
I'm thinking about step classes today because the instructors generally made us do some sort of strength training as part of the class, and we usually had to do push ups. I was young and fit and I could KNOCK OUT some pushups. How many? 25? I give you 50. I had toned arms. They did not keep waving after I stopped waving.
15 years and 20+ pounds later, we have encountered some changes. I cannot do pushups. I hate them. I would not describe my arms as toned. No one compares me to Michelle Obama in any way. And alas, my beloved step classes are not something one finds on the Group Fitness Schedule anymore. Times have changed, and now people want GROUP POWER KICK SOMEONE'S FACE OFF class. That doesn't sound meditative at all.
All is not lost, however. I have made an important discovery while training for this triathlon (which is THIS SUNDAY OMG not that I'm worried but OMG). And that discovery is this: Cross-training works, yo. Why have people been keeping this secret from me for so long?
Okay, it's no secret, and everyone advocates cross training. I didn't listen. Running is, frankly, easier. Put on your shoes (and your water belt, and your anti-chafe cream, and your headphones, and your sunscreen, and your special running sunglasses) and go. No worrying about cars hitting your bike and safe routes and flat tires. No worrying about how your hair and makeup will be restored after the pool if you need to go back to work or look acceptable for happy hour.
(As an aside, I came back to work from the pool and my office mate, MR, said, "You look like you've come from the beach or the pool!" I said, "Oh, is my hair beach-tousled? Do I look tan?" He said, "Um, yeah... And you have goggle marks around your eyes.")
But here's what I discovered in this four short weeks of training: Biking is kick ass for runners, or at least this runner. The muscles you develop biking make your running easier. I have been feeling so strong on my runs lately, and I can even feel the difference in my legs--there is more developed muscle tone. I even checked ROW's favorite source, Runner's World, and various articles definitely support my theory that biking develops the power muscles: quads, glutes, calves. Other authorities (is the website "nomeatathlete.com" a solid source?) agree, plus note cycling is less impact on the body. You can get a great workout without the pounding on the joints.
Swimming has been good, too. Admittedly, I have had some issues with swimming. First, I appear to have some sort of weird allergy to pool water. Apparently it can't be a chlorine allergy, but the chlorine can aggravate existing sensitivity to allergens. Or, simply put, I sneeze and have a runny nose and feel generally like I would if I had snorted ragweed for about five hours after a swim. Second, as detailed in other blogs, I don't know how to swim. I thought I did, but after lots of coaching, I have discovered I have a lot to learn, like "don't inhale the wet stuff." Third: my poor hair.
But we are positive here at ROW, so let's get back to the positives: TONED ARMS. Weak sister here is a slow swimmer in part because my hard won push-up muscles appear to have atrophied over the past 15 years of sitting at a desk and typing. But even swimming a few times a week over the past few weeks has made a noticeable difference: my tricep muscles are back!
So that's pretty cool. Here I thought I was going to have to start a Retro Step Class (maybe the Jazzercise lost souls can come too) to find my triceps, but no! I can do it in a more acceptable way--by getting my very slow and awkward Missy Franklin on. Sweet.
Wish us luck on Sunday!
I'm thinking about step classes today because the instructors generally made us do some sort of strength training as part of the class, and we usually had to do push ups. I was young and fit and I could KNOCK OUT some pushups. How many? 25? I give you 50. I had toned arms. They did not keep waving after I stopped waving.
15 years and 20+ pounds later, we have encountered some changes. I cannot do pushups. I hate them. I would not describe my arms as toned. No one compares me to Michelle Obama in any way. And alas, my beloved step classes are not something one finds on the Group Fitness Schedule anymore. Times have changed, and now people want GROUP POWER KICK SOMEONE'S FACE OFF class. That doesn't sound meditative at all.
All is not lost, however. I have made an important discovery while training for this triathlon (which is THIS SUNDAY OMG not that I'm worried but OMG). And that discovery is this: Cross-training works, yo. Why have people been keeping this secret from me for so long?
Okay, it's no secret, and everyone advocates cross training. I didn't listen. Running is, frankly, easier. Put on your shoes (and your water belt, and your anti-chafe cream, and your headphones, and your sunscreen, and your special running sunglasses) and go. No worrying about cars hitting your bike and safe routes and flat tires. No worrying about how your hair and makeup will be restored after the pool if you need to go back to work or look acceptable for happy hour.
(As an aside, I came back to work from the pool and my office mate, MR, said, "You look like you've come from the beach or the pool!" I said, "Oh, is my hair beach-tousled? Do I look tan?" He said, "Um, yeah... And you have goggle marks around your eyes.")
But here's what I discovered in this four short weeks of training: Biking is kick ass for runners, or at least this runner. The muscles you develop biking make your running easier. I have been feeling so strong on my runs lately, and I can even feel the difference in my legs--there is more developed muscle tone. I even checked ROW's favorite source, Runner's World, and various articles definitely support my theory that biking develops the power muscles: quads, glutes, calves. Other authorities (is the website "nomeatathlete.com" a solid source?) agree, plus note cycling is less impact on the body. You can get a great workout without the pounding on the joints.
Swimming has been good, too. Admittedly, I have had some issues with swimming. First, I appear to have some sort of weird allergy to pool water. Apparently it can't be a chlorine allergy, but the chlorine can aggravate existing sensitivity to allergens. Or, simply put, I sneeze and have a runny nose and feel generally like I would if I had snorted ragweed for about five hours after a swim. Second, as detailed in other blogs, I don't know how to swim. I thought I did, but after lots of coaching, I have discovered I have a lot to learn, like "don't inhale the wet stuff." Third: my poor hair.
But we are positive here at ROW, so let's get back to the positives: TONED ARMS. Weak sister here is a slow swimmer in part because my hard won push-up muscles appear to have atrophied over the past 15 years of sitting at a desk and typing. But even swimming a few times a week over the past few weeks has made a noticeable difference: my tricep muscles are back!
So that's pretty cool. Here I thought I was going to have to start a Retro Step Class (maybe the Jazzercise lost souls can come too) to find my triceps, but no! I can do it in a more acceptable way--by getting my very slow and awkward Missy Franklin on. Sweet.
Wish us luck on Sunday!
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