Toe-Shoes Tina: All Muscle?

I am heavy.  I stand 5’4” tall and wear a size 6, which makes me a normal size.  But I am not a normal weight.  I pack 151 pounds into my size 6 dress (if you know me, please tell me how shocked you are to hear I do not weigh 130 because you could never tell by looking).  

My current weight is actually low for me.  Through my adult life, I’ve hovered around 155, reaching a (non-pregnant) high of 162 and a low of 147 (ah, the life of a post-graduate student).  Though I feel lean at 151, BMI qualifies me as “overweight.”  BMI, of course, comes with the standard caveat that it is not accurate for certain groups of people, including muscular athletes.  Well, baby, I’m all muscle.  At least that’s what I’ve told  myself for years.  And not just me.  Others tell me that too.  In college, I worked at a gym.  Guys used to come up to me in the weight room and tell me they’d do anything to get quads like mine.  Fellas, please file this gem of a line under “how not to pick up a college girl.”  But it’s a fair point.  I have the legs that hockey built and now the calves that Vibrams built (making it challenging to find knee-high boots that zip).   But, hey, it’s muscle, right?

This is not me.  I am not literally all muscle.  Hyperbole is a literary device I enjoy. 

Unfortunately, my scale tells me I’m not all muscle.  I got my scale about 10 years ago and it is the kind you stand on and it tells you your weight and body fat percentage.  Today my scale told me I weigh 151 and am 32 percent body fat.  We are no longer on speaking terms.  Clearly, my scale is inaccurate.  I’m all muscle!  (See above.)  For 10 years it’s been the scale, not me.  But I’ve always had a nagging doubt that the scale is right and I am so . . . so wrong. 

Today we will find out.  At 1:00, I will go get my body composition tested by hydrostatic weighing.  According to this website

http://sportsmedicine.about.com/od/fitnessevalandassessment/g/UnderwaterWeigh.htm

I will be lowered underwater on a special scale, asked to expel all the air from my lungs, and remain motionless while my underwater weight is measured. This procedure is repeated three times and averaged.  Although it is vaguely reminiscent of what they used to do to witches in Salem, Mass., hydrostatic weighing is supposedly one of the most accurate ways to measure body composition.  I’ve wanted to do it for years.  It takes money and courage and I’ve never had both at the same time.  Today is the day.  If I see any number starting with a 3, I’ll cry right there in the dunk tank.   I’d be ecstatic at 25 percent.  I will update later to share my results.