Slo-Jo: Goals for the Full (More Pinot, Fewer Cabs?)

Run: 3 miles, testing new Garmin

Heartrate: 180 (whaaaa?)

Wine consumed: 1 gl. night before

Weight: down two lbs (boom!)

Serious training for the marathon will begin soon, so before that happens, I want to set out some goals. I’ve done this before. For example, when I set out to run the half marathon, I had a goal: FINISH. Over the course of training, that goal got refined a little.

I wasn’t in the greatest shape before I set out to train for the half. I was sedentary. I ran occasionally, but I would have to walk during mile 2. Running three felt like I was some amazing Olympian. And then I made the big mistake of having my body fat tested in some torture device called “The Bod Pod.” 

(The Bod Pod. This woman is smiling. She must not have received her results yet. Or she thinks she is going on an amazing space odyssey.)

Let us just say my number was QUITE A BIT HIGHER than Toe-Shoes Tina’s in her latest post. I recall waving the printout around and saying, “This is clearly wrong. This is wrong. I am not a candidate for The Biggest Loser. This is obviously your business’s attempt to get me to sign up for personal training so you can test me later and give me a normal number and claim that you are really effective.”

(I hope I didn’t actually voice the last sentence and used my internal monologue for that last complaint, but I can't say for sure. I was really upset.)

So I went out for a big meal (if I’m going to be 130% fat, might as well eat) with my good friend L. I believe I confessed that he was eating dinner with someone who was mostly fat, maybe with some bones hidden in there. We decided that I should run a half marathon, and to spice it up, I should challenge our mutual friend J to a bet. J was also looking to get in better shape.

J is tall and very athletic. But he does not have, shall we say, a runner’s frame, and I thought I had a chance. J did not hesitate in accepting the challenge and, in fact, let us know he was offended that I thought I could beat him. I am, after all, most kindly described as “bookish.” “Nerdy” is a word that has been bandied about. So J thought he had this in the bag. But I knew that we bookish types are good at reading up about training, and I also tend to work hard if I have a goal. I had a goal.

I wrote up a little contract and sent it to J:

Let's iron out the terms of our bet. If you beat me with your half-marathon time, then I pay for your flight to Vegas (not to exceed $200). If I win, then you pay for a spa treatment of my choice (again, not to exceed $200).

Forfeiture: if you must forfeit for any reason, including injury, sickness, lack of adequate training, then forfeiting runner pays $100 if other person finishes half marathon.

J agreed. It was time to train.

My starting runs had one thing in common: they were slow. I couldn’t believe how slow I was. If you had asked me before I started using the Map My Run app, I would have said I ran 10-minute miles. I also probably would have said I had 20% body fat. I was wrong.

(What's that 13:47 doing in there? Some days, running is hard.)

Around this time, I became friends with a guy I've nicknamed Coach. Coach has competed in several races and was interested in my training. I had never run with others before; I was more of a solitary trudger. I didn’t like feeling like others were frustrated by my pace or by my need for walking breaks. But I ran very slowly with Coach and some other friends, and it was actually a very positive experience. These friends were so supportive. They weren’t judging my inabilities. They were helping me get better. It was pretty awesome.

Over time, I decided my goal was not just to finish. It was to finish in under 2:30. This would be an 11:30 mile, which is still pretty slow, but I thought it was reasonable for my first half. And at least I had something more concrete to say when people asked me about my goals.

Now, about a week before the half, a miracle happened, and I suddenly started running 10-minute miles. I ran 3.5 at 10:04 pace, and longer runs at 10:20s. I have no explanation for this other than I started eating sandwiches. I’d like to have a wine-based explanation, but I think my wine consumption was pretty high consistent over this time period.

The half marathon arrived, and another friend, S, had signed up for the half but wasn’t feeling well that day. She decided to run with me as my coach. I said, “Let’s do 11:30s.” She said, “Great.” I could tell when we began that we were going faster, but I felt so good. I had a smile on my face. We were blazing through the pack of runners. And, because I had set up with the marathon that certain friends would get text messages of my progress through the race based on my timing chip, I knew I had to keep going or Coach was going to kill me. I could hear him saying, “Don’t go out too fast.” And here I was, going out too fast. But I held on to it with S.’s help.

Around the end of mile 11, S said brightly, “We can finish in under 2:20!” Then she added, less brightly: “But it’s going to hurt.”

So instead of SLOWING DOWN for the last two miles, we picked it up. I think my smile had faded a bit by this point. I remember asking her, “HOW MUCH LONGER?!” And she would lie. “Two more minutes!”

We finished at 2:20. We had done a 10:40 pace, which was nearly a minute faster than my game plan per mile. I was so happy! And really grateful for S’s help.

So here are the lessons. One: I can probably do more than I think I can. Two: I have some awesome friends.  Three: Screw you, Bod Pod. 

But how do these translate into the marathon goals? 

Not sure yet. Right now I feel like if I could finish in under 5 hours, that would be swell. I lost 10 pounds in training for the half, so it feels like I am no longer the 437% body-fat person I was. Muscles have emerged. I’d like to lose another ten. I’m planning to do more speed workouts and weight training this time, and I’m hoping that will translate into a better time. I think I’ll update this goal in December and see where I am.

Last but not least: did I beat J in the marathon? YES. Because he didn't compete. He had some excuse which I have forgotten. I did not enforce our contract--instead, he came over and fixed my shower for me. Friends are good.