Toe-Shoes Tina and Slo-Jo: The Bisbee 1000 Race Report

This October, Toe Shoes Tina and Slo Jo competed in The Bisbee 1000 Stair Climb Challenge. Because they participated (in part) together, they decided to write a combined blog post.

Race Preparation

TST: After a very long work week in Chicago, I was so happy to be with Slo Jo and two other friends in Bisbee.  We rented this cute little house that was made slightly less cute by the owners’ choice in decorations.  Bugs.  Glued to the walls.  Very lifelike bugs and arachnids, if we’re being technical. 

(They look totally real, right?)

SJ: Toe Shoes Tina omitted from her description her scream of terror when she noticed the fake bugs on the walls. I went into the room and did not laugh. Well, maybe I did. Then our friend E claimed one of the fake bugs was moving, causing more terror. Toe Shoes Tina and E should not hang out together.

TST: The night before the race we tried on our German bar maid costumes that Slo Jo coordinated while I was out of town and then Slo Jo modified the costumes to fit us perfectly with the sewing kit she brought (have I mentioned she is awesome?).  I texted a picture to Husband #1 and he suggested I keep the costume for date night.  I thought (and said many times) “this will be awesome!”  The morning of the race, we drove the short 4 miles to downtown Bisbee and looked for parking.  Excited race participants streamed toward the start line.  I noticed something kind of disturbing – “uh, guys?  We appear to be the only people dressed in costumes.”  Whatever.  We rocked it.  And were photographed by many many people.  Slo Jo was even interviewed by a news journalist!

SJ: I had read about the race, and it featured a costume parade. So I talked everyone into costumes. I thought, it’s October: Oktoberfest! We will be German bar maids. Okay, so 99% of the other participants were in running gear; we immediately bonded with anyone remotely in costume at all. One couple had taken a sheer robe and nightgown set and turned it into a sort of cape; the guy said he had demanded the ruffles. He, like TST, was wearing Vibrams. 

Now, TST and I don't really mind attention, but our friend F was mildly mortified. Men kept coming up to us—four women in bar maid outfits—and asking if they could be photographed with us. We all worked on giving our petticoats a little flip for the pictures. 

The TV interview was fun, but I’m afraid my 15 minutes of fame are going to due to this exchange:

Journalist: Why do you run stairs?

Me: It’s good for the buns.

Yep, that's what I came up with. Am so proud.

The Race

TST: After participating in the “costume parade” (which was basically the 10 people in costumes standing around in line to be photographed), we lined up in our corrals.  I was in corral 2 because my friend, Jack Rabbit, warned me that the stairs clog up in the later corrals and slow you down.  Jack Rabbit, of course, was in corral 1 because she’s a rockstar.  Slo Jo and my other two housemates had decided they would take the race at a more leisurely pace, so they headed back to a higher corral.  Left by myself, I put in my headphones and got into race mode.  At some point, they announced headphones were forbidden during the Bisbee 1000.  I missed that announcement, probably because my headphones were in.   After the running of the beers (really), corral 1 took off.  I put on “Eye of the Tiger,” to which I start every race, cued up Map My Run, and toed the line. 

SJ: I was running with our friends: F, who is pregnant and worried about falling on the stairs; E, who hasn’t had a chance to work out in ages due to work; and C, who was not in a German bar maid outfit, but wore his kilt because he is a good sport. We went to the very last corral, because our primary concern was getting F through the race without incident and having fun. 

(View from Corral 9. See TST way at the front by the green and yellow arch? Wave hello!)

We had a long time to wait before getting anywhere near the start. So I chatted. I met this guy, who had an awesome T-shirt:

(Hey, he climbs for wine! Me too! I asked if I could take a picture for the blog.)

We also met lots of other people in the corral, who were clearly going to walk or take the stairs at a leisurely pace. One had had a knee operation. This was not the Corral of Overachievers, but we were a happy group. We were the Cool Corral Nine Crew.

TST: Because I’d been warned of the bottleneck at the first (of nine) stairway, my race plan was to go as fast as I could for the half mile or so to the first staircase.  This was a mistake.  In addition to that being a bad race strategy in any race, I had not realized Bisbee was almost a mile high.  Nor did I realize each staircase was approximately 5,000 stairs (or felt that way).  By stairway 4, my coffee was creeping up into my esophagus and I had to work really hard to keep it down.  When I hit 2 miles, I nearly cried because I was ready to throw up and/or pass out and was not even half way through the 4.5 mile race.  I imagined Jack Rabbit sprinting triumphantly up each staircase as I pitifully meandered up them.  And because I was in costume, I was attracting quite a bit of attention, so I felt compelled to look perky as I was dying on the inside (upon reflection, people may have been telling me to lose the headphones, but I couldn’t hear them over my music). 

SJ: We trotted down the first half mile to the first staircase. People were giving us high-fives. People kept saying, “Looking good!” or "I love your outfits!" to which C replied, “Thank you!” The Cool Corral 9 Crew was in a jolly mood. We queued at the bottom of the stairs and slowly, slowly, ascended together for each staircase. People were playing instruments for us along the way—a sort of indie Rock ’n’ Roll 5K—with a didgeridoo, a trumpet, a banjo, some guitars… It was awesome. We walked the steeper inclines to avoid F taking a pregnant tumble, and took breaks on the stairs if anyone needed one.

We also stopped for photo opps. The view was spectacular—we needed a group pic. Oh, and to talk to firemen. Slo Jo is single.

TST:  Sometime after mile 2.5ish, I was rewarded for the non-stop ascent with a gentle sloping downhill that lasted for about a mile.  It was like I’d died and gone to heaven.  I caught my breath and pushed on, in the back of my mind knowing that we were only going downhill so we could go up more stairs.  When we finally started running uphill again, “Good Vibrations” came on my iPod.  Energized by Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch (yes!  I can “feel it feel it”!), I ran toward the final three staircases.  At the top of staircase 7 a group of peace loving hippies had gathered.  I am generally a huge fan of peace loving hippies.  But not when one of them is smoking weed at the top of staircase 7.  Because, really, what I needed was a contact high at that point! 

SJ: Here's my dedication to Toe-Shoes Tina: 

"Let's get to the point/ Let's roll another joint/ And let's head on down the road/ There's somewhere I got to go."

--“You Don’t Know How It Feels,” Tom Petty.

TST was smoking crack or having exercised-induced delusions, because there was no weed in evidence by the time the Cool Corral 9 Crew reached the top of staircase 7--and some members of the CC9C would probably have enjoyed it. The hippies were there with their Peace and Love signs, but even at our slow pace, we didn’t get any wafts of smoke. They liked our costumes, too, saying, "Cool, man!" C said, “Danke!”

I was feeling pretty good—my stair training had paid off, and I wasn’t hurting on the stairs or running. In fact, at one point, E and I started singing the goatherd song from The Sound of Music:

Slo-Jo: High on a hill was a lonely goatherd
E: Lay dee odl lay hee odl lay hee hoo!

Meanwhile, people were collapsing on the landings and gasping for air, but I felt like I could go forever. I got behind one super skinny ass-less woman who kept stopping abruptly, I think due to exhaustion, which is fine except that I kept nearly crashing into her. There needs to be a Corral 11 for people like her (hey, this race goes up to 11). It is entirely possible that I was in better shape than some of the other CC9C. Maybe next year I will move up to Corral 8 (the slightly less cool, but still chill, Corral).

The Finish

TST: Staircases 8 and 9 were a blur, maybe because of the weed.  More likely because my brain had less than optimal oxygen.  The race finished on a steep downhill slope, which I totally heel-striked down so I could run fast and not fall.  Woozy, I received my medal and wandered aimlessly in search of water.  Jack Rabbit popped out of nowhere, looking as fresh as a friggin’ daisy.  I was happy to hear that I had finished not far behind her.  I wanted to talk to her, but vomit was more likely to come out of my mouth than clear sentences.  I grunted that I needed water and had to keep moving so I didn’t puke. 

Several minutes later, the world stopped spinning and I kept a banana down.  I found Jack Rabbit and informed her that I was not going to be able to do the Iceman Challenge (it involves carrying 10 lbs of ice with antique tongs up yet more stairs and we had discussed doing it as a team).  I was relieved when Jack Rabbit said she wasn’t up for it either.  Evidently despite her appearance, the stairs had done a number on her as well.  We hung out in the sun while the rest of her friends and my friends finished (my costume making for some awesome tan lines).  As I cooled down, I realized my German bar maid costume was not designed to hold sweat and I smelled like a locker room.  I spent much of the rest of the day looking for Febreze, which they do not sell in Bisbee.  Anywhere.  

SJ: I remembered one thing from finishing my half, where a friend snapped my picture. I was in pain and, as a result, my posture looks like I belong in one of those evolution illustrations:

(I'd be second from the left. Not the guy carrying the football, who clearly represents evolution at its zenith.)

So this time, I remembered to keep my back straight, put my arms in the air, and smile! Yay!

We found TST and she told us of her awesome time. Our time was less awesome, but we didn’t work very hard. Sometimes you have to take time to smell the roses—or flirt with firemen. Or take a photo mid-race. Or admire this:

(Don't worry. The mortician can fix that.)

TST: All in all, the race was a lot tougher than I thought it would be, but was totally awesome too.  I finished in the top 10 of my division, which was a great surprise.  I will definitely do it again.  Slo Jo has already found us a house for next year and is talking costumes.  I will pack my Febreze.     

SJ: Aufedersein!