Slo-Jo: Slo-Jo Versus Her IT Band

Distance: 7 miles

Planned distance: 12 miles

Calls to friend to come pick me up: 1

Wine consumed the night before: Unknown, but likely an amount not conducive to running 7 miles

Okay, it is ON like DONKEY KONG. Whatever that means. I haven't been all that serious about marathon training because I was worried about the half marathon. But now that is in the past, I rested, and I'm ready to train. I even bought a new book:

(Um, you can't click to look inside. Just foolin'! But you can if you go here.)

because clearly as a first-timer I need a book with "Advanced" in the title. Duh. 

So on Saturday, I ran six with Coach, and I had a plan. He was so proud of me for arriving with a plan instead of a host of complaints as to why I didn't think I could do his plan that he didn't listen to the plan. I explained the plan again:

1 mile slow as warm up 

4 mile tempo run 

1 mile slow as cool down

And we did it. But I don't understand my Nike watch. It will claim I'm doing a TST-worthy (on her really long runs, not her Olympic-time-trial short runs) 10:07, but then when I get home it congratulates me on my 12-minute mile. WTF, Nike watch. On the run, I felt like we were doing 11s, but then we slowed down based on the watch, and we ended up going too slow. It’s a process.

Anyhoolies, that was Saturday. On Sunday, my ADVANCED MARATHONING book suggested ADVANCED marathoners like moi should run 12 miles. Okay, done. Put a band-aid on my still-tender blister from the half. Hoped my possibly broken toe would be okay. Put on sunscreen because it looked a bit bright out, and off I went.

I didn’t mention my broken toe? I ran the half last Sunday, went home, took a nap, and cracked my toe on the bedframe getting out of bed. Normally, when I stub my toe, it hurts for a few seconds and then the pain subsides. This continued (and continues) to hurt. My toenail is the same shade as my purple nail polish, and I can’t curl my toes on my left foot. But as Scott Jurek would say, “Not all pain is significant.” That's right. I am JUST LIKE Scott Jurek.

My toe and I felt okay for the first six. But it was hot. And I was a little bored. The Arizona Grand Canal, starting at 20^th and Osborn and heading west, is super ghetto. Why can’t they pull the shopping carts and trash out of our drinking water supply? Why am I the only runner taking advantage of this fine polluted view? I decided I, too, need bear spray, but for the urban bears. Jog, jog, jog. I decide my goal is 12 12s. 

The wheels fell off at mile 7 when first I got a side stitch, and then my knee blew out. Turning to the side stitch, there are lots of possible reasons, and one is dehydration. I will just go ahead and assign this as the culprit, because I did have quite a lot of wine the night before in a fit of being irresponsible (I recall it being fun, too), and it was hot and sunny. But if you want to read the other causes, read this.

The knee thing is worse. I am pretty much convinced I have tight IT bands.

(I think I will have mine removed, like an unwanted mole or conjoined twin.)

In fact, as I write this, sitting comfortably in my Aeron desk chair, I can feel how my hip hurts and my knee still aches. TST told me to get out the foam roller and gave me a handy song, to the tune of Rawhide, to inspire me:

Rollin’ rollin’ rollin 

Keep those IT bands rollin’

Anyone who has used a foam roller knows that it is one of those medieval instruments one finds in a torture museum reserved for people 18 and over who can handle gruesome images. Ladies and gentlemen, here is the Iron Maiden that pierces you a million times, and here’s the rack, and here is the foam roller. I rolled one side and broke out into a sweat. My dog came over to check on me because I was whimpering.

But I get ahead of myself. Anyway, the knee blew up, and suddenly I wasn’t doing so well. I was doing the lurch. I could feel my mouth pulled back in a grimace. And I had to stop. I was five miles from the car, so I called my friend S and begged to be picked up.

So, what have I learned? (1) Roll IT bands daily; (2) stretch; (3) consume wine daily in moderation before runs. Oh, and that the song Rawhide is catchy. I can’t stop humming it. Raw-HIIIIIIDE!